I suppose the wise choice would to be to do a better job on my blog and actually post. This would be the ideal option. I post infrequently and when I do I post nothing of importance. Eh whatever. It is hard to speak of things that you are not allowed to speak of, or don’t want to. Forever I have drowned myself in my own pain, stuffing it down, discarding it for nonchalance. Sometimes I feel that this is my down fall. Perhaps if I share what I really think about people, and how I really feel about things, then I might feel better. But then I know that I will be left with no one, trapped yet again in my own head and left to my own devices. Hostility is my shield, what I hide behind and what keeps me safe from what I fear others will see me as. Vulnerable. And if I just lay into the world with the truths I keep secret in my head, there will be no option of turning back. For brutal and honest truths and feelings cannot be taken back or made to light wrapped in a pretty box. They are permanent. And though you change your way of thinking and way of living your life, the things you do in the past follow you and linger. Being known as a bitch is not something I want to be identified with. Ok so I nag, but if you did what you needed to do, perhaps I wouldn’t. Ok so I point out what is wrong with you. Well if you’d stop making the same fucking mistakes all the time perhaps I wouldn’t be so hostile towards you. And if I’ve already told you that something irks me or is not right, perhaps you should listen. Especially if it was common sense that you lacked to use. I can’t help that I don’t agree with your wrong way of thinking. I’m sorry that I can’t not be sensible. I’m sorry that I follow my own way. But don’t you dare tell me that I’m lazy or don’t try. Because God damnit I do, and realize it or not, I’m what keep you and your fuck up ways afloat. So fuck you for saying I’m not good enough. See, this is why I judge myself as being harsh and mean. I get upset and say hurtful things…but I guess I’m not all that sorry because they’re true.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
The Truth Hurts.
I suppose the wise choice would to be to do a better job on my blog and actually post. This would be the ideal option. I post infrequently and when I do I post nothing of importance. Eh whatever. It is hard to speak of things that you are not allowed to speak of, or don’t want to. Forever I have drowned myself in my own pain, stuffing it down, discarding it for nonchalance. Sometimes I feel that this is my down fall. Perhaps if I share what I really think about people, and how I really feel about things, then I might feel better. But then I know that I will be left with no one, trapped yet again in my own head and left to my own devices. Hostility is my shield, what I hide behind and what keeps me safe from what I fear others will see me as. Vulnerable. And if I just lay into the world with the truths I keep secret in my head, there will be no option of turning back. For brutal and honest truths and feelings cannot be taken back or made to light wrapped in a pretty box. They are permanent. And though you change your way of thinking and way of living your life, the things you do in the past follow you and linger. Being known as a bitch is not something I want to be identified with. Ok so I nag, but if you did what you needed to do, perhaps I wouldn’t. Ok so I point out what is wrong with you. Well if you’d stop making the same fucking mistakes all the time perhaps I wouldn’t be so hostile towards you. And if I’ve already told you that something irks me or is not right, perhaps you should listen. Especially if it was common sense that you lacked to use. I can’t help that I don’t agree with your wrong way of thinking. I’m sorry that I can’t not be sensible. I’m sorry that I follow my own way. But don’t you dare tell me that I’m lazy or don’t try. Because God damnit I do, and realize it or not, I’m what keep you and your fuck up ways afloat. So fuck you for saying I’m not good enough. See, this is why I judge myself as being harsh and mean. I get upset and say hurtful things…but I guess I’m not all that sorry because they’re true.
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